04/14/2009
i feel like i understand what it's like to be a drug addict
at least the high parts
to feel something so undiluted, so pure, so genuine, to feel it so fully that you become aware of simple facts and appreciate them so much more, like the blood coursing through me and my heart beating.
to be totally at peace with doing nothing and going nowhere.
as long as that pure, perfect thing is there.
i hate drugs
but i love you
and this addiction isn't going to hurt me or others, although perhaps if my passion for you keeps getting so overwhelming, i'll need to seek medical attention. just sedate myself a little
my desire to travel has become less of an obsession and more of a pleasant afterthought
because no matter how far i go and what i find in this world, i have this overwhelming certainty of faith that it will not compare to what i have with you.
i want to do overwhelmingly romantic things for you
i want to not give you everything you need, but simply be it
i want to be there in every possible way, every single day, for as long as possible
this is not a 'for the next few weeks, let me know if you need me'
it's a 'i will be there for you as soon as you call. forever."
i've never felt so genuinely committed to something before.
life is so valuable and i always find it sad that people try to enjoy life the most when it is without commitment to anyone
i think commitment keeps you grounded so you don't miss any little beautiful thing to enjoy along the way
i feel very final. just completely satisfied with what i have.
there is nothing in this world i would not do for you.
there is no one who could compare.
this is the first and last.
i love you ben lass.
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