eve's envy

12/9/10

leafy green and softest trees
grow dark and loom high over me;
brightest colours to soft pastels
grow pale and dark and cold as hell.
the snake can hiss a quiet laugh,
it's reading out my epitaph.
the sweetest taste goes bitter sour,
i stand and shake and fear for our
safety, security, what we hold dear;
the thought of you grips me with fear.
you were His favourite from the start
i'm but a compliment to His art.
the knowledge seeps into my veins
i feel shaky, mighty strange.
i cover my body and hold my face,
i see now i can be replaced.
i'm made from you, your slender frame
shows ribs a plenty for more the same;
and i could prove a rough first draft
a practice run to hone His craft.
a grave mistake, a fatal flaw,
as if flattery possessed my jaw
and made it bite into the fruit
the juice, like blood, soon found its route
dripping slowly down my chin
softly staining naked skin.
the stain it leaves will scar my breast
and my racing heart will never rest.
adam, please, take cover and hide
let no more ribs come from your side.
what if He makes eve disappear?
what am i left with, why am i here?
adam, promise you love me most,
go against this Sacred Host.
find in me a new paradise,
i will try and sweeten every vice.
adam, love, if i leave tonight,
please come with me, take a bite.
adam, love, if he takes me away,
take a bite before you sway.
adam, love, you must believe,
take a bite to save your eve.
adam, love, i'm full of fright,
please, for our sake, take a bite.

pages

12/8/2010

i sit alone, surrounded my pages
pages of works i have to read
that i'll never read
ideas of book i should read
that i'll never read
desires to know more, be more
desires to speak more, laugh more
desires to dance more, smile more
desires to kiss more, more than kiss more
i sit alone surrounded my pages
a million works about a million things
a million critically acclaimed pages
on everything i should know
everything smart people should know
everything i should want to know
but the desires piled on the pages
yearn for the one subject not listed
you.

i wrote you a page
i wrote me a page
one to stand out among the millions
one to fulfill all the desires
you.
i sit alone, surrounded by pages
with you
and your page.

now what.

10/25/2010

i can't live on a schedule where you forget about me one week
i wait for it to get better the next week
i get frustrated and ask for more the week after
and then a good week.
and then three bad weeks.
and being forgotten.
i can't live on a two hours a week.
i can't live on broken promises and refusing to try.
it's one thing if you're tired of me and want to break up with me
it's another to make me tired of you.
it's another to make me resentful.
you can destroy yourself
though i'd never want you to
you can destroy us being together
though i'd never want you to.
but making me resentful
making me tempted by other people
making me consider breaking up with you
making me embarrassed at how weak i am that i could never do it
making me think about what it'd be like without you
and repeating this to me over and over again
until without you doesn't seem so terrible anymore.
until i want you to cheat on me
so that i can cheat back
and then maybe you'll feel sorry enough
that you'll want me back and never treat me like this again.
you can destroy everything you want
but why would you destroy this love i have for you
it hurts me so much that i almost wrote had.
i had the most profound, incredible, unforgettable love for you
you were all i thought about
you were all i did things for
you were all.
to have that be falling apart.
to have be thinking about it this much.
you make me hate myself.
like i'm a whore. like i'm despicable.
like this relationship meant nothing to me.
when we all know it meant everything.
you meant everything.
why can't you stop hurting me
and make this right again.
i don't want this to be unfixable.
i want your love
i want our love
i want my love
i want them to survive.
and i don't know if they will.
because i mean this little to you.

growing resentful

10/19/2010

gatsby's light blinked green to black,
yours blinks green to gray.
i can only reach out to you online
but when i talk, you seldom stay.

gatsby lost daisy to her pride
head too big for golden curls
she was not to be bound by love
but wrapped in strands of pearls.

you will be wrapped in boys' arms
and showered in borrowed beer.
see, money is not an object for you,
until you look to me, sincere.

sincerity is what daisy lacked,
she denied her feelings true.
if you keep denying me, do you
doubt what will happen to you?

jordan was a boyish girl,
daisy listened to her every word.
you and all your girly boys
make it hard for me to be heard.

gatsby gave dear daisy space
as he became the best he could.
i study, run and primp myself,
but it appears to do no good.

to keep that space and keep that love
is certainly no strong feat,
and who knows if i still turn you on?
at least my memory of you is sweet.

nick was naive and often lost,
but he tried to make things right.
he did what he could for gatsby,
but daisy extinguished his light.

i hold true to what i once knew,
and perhaps i'm just as naive,
but this sweet and perfect love i had
is all that i'll believe.

their story is lost in booze and jazz,
depression, lust and dread.
gatsby loved his daisy so
and gatsby ends up dead.

last night

09/24/2010
12:39 am

and it was so much better last night
with your body next to mine
and pain coursing through my legs
was silenced by your spine
pressing up against my chest
my arms wrapped lightly round
you were sweating through the night
but you were comfortable and sound
the pain was nothing at all
compared to the comfort of you
and the relative painlessness of today
brought nothing quite so overdue
as the feeling of you laying next to me
and it hasn't been a day
but just the thought of you laying here
it makes my whole body sway
and i know you like your rooms cold
but i'm freezing now, chattering teeth
this room is nothing without you here
with all your love, your safety, your heat

darling you're a vixen.

08/13/2010

stomp across the sidewalk,
and step on all the cracks.
be brutal and be vicious
and break those bitches' backs.
spit on driveway artwork,
and crush all the chalk,
take as many hearts as you can
on this quiet block.
grow out all your nails
so that you can scratch the cars,
be brutal and be bloody,
baby, take it way too far.
let the eyes follow you,
"these girls, they'll never fix em."
strut and break and claw and growl,
my darling, you're a vixen.
bare your teeth and make them fear
and wonder if you'll bite.
don't engage them, you're above them,
looking for a fight.
when you end up on the lawn
of the one you're looking for,
take a second, pause and breathe,
savour what's in store.
take destruction to its peak
and go beyond the yard.
the bastard here will pay
for leaving you so burnt and scarred.
open the front door once you've
punched in all the glass.
leave the shards around for him
should your pleasure not last.
slink your way up the staircase
until you hear him asleep.
prepare those claws, those teeth, those limbs,
prepare to sink them deep.
and when the door slides open,
the body lies there still.
forget the good, the love, and focus,
now it's time to kill.
get close enough to feel his heart beat,
breathe it into you.
prime yourself, baby now it's time
to do what you must do.
your muscles tense, your heart beats fast,
suddenly it's there.
the scent, the sweet, the warmth, the love
and suddenly you're bare,
ripped of power, ripped of strength,
and you don't understand.
all you can remember is how
you once loved this man.
this fucker hurt you deeper
than you even knew you had,
but there's no power to strike back
though you wanted to so bad.

so back yourself up through those doors,
and back into the street.
smile sadly at the houses
of people you'll never meet.
run your hands along the cars and
the lawns that you pass,
childhood artwork on the sidewalk
that will never last.
feel the bitterness and hurt so strong,
yet the rage is silent and small.
that man that took it all from you,
who you'll love despite it all.

i love you.

07/27/2010

when my muscles are sore and my body is weak
when i lay in bed with my face bare
when i'm too tired to hardly speak
the thought of you will keep me there.
it will keep me from thinking of fates unkind
or the parts of my body that are wrong
it will take almost everything off of my mind
and give me something better to hold on
because you love me and i'm your choice
though you're a king and i'm a peasant
you speak for me far beyond my voice
the beauty of you keeps me in the present.
the stress of upcoming events grows steady
and i worry and i fear and i ache
my darling, if i keep the thought of you ready
theres nothing out there that i can't shake.
soon ill write poems with greater vision
and images from all latitudes
but for now, you simply settle my mind
and for that, my love and gratitude.

new rhyme scheme

03/19/2010

they hold on tightest before they let go
you speak to me as if you know
why i stand here at all hours
waiting for you to show.
i want to feel like i still make you feel
i want to know this is still real
it's not cheap chocolate and cheaper flowers
when do you stop hurting to heal?
i'm not enough anymore to entertain
or keep your attention anything but strained
and if i'm going to try this hard
i'd prefer not to have to do it in pain.
please look at me like you used to do
i've never stopped being so in love with you
you're leaving me burnt, broken and charred
come back, come back, and please be true.

accessory

03/16/2010

I bought you that accessory
So you would always think of me
You can replace accessories
But don't act like you can replace me
If you really believe you can
Then I don't recognize this man
The clothes and shoes
They won't follow through
They won't make use
For as long as I do
And you to me
Is no accessory
It layers above and within
You're more like my skin
Skin cuts and peels
But it always heals
So don't think of me
As an accessory
You are so much more to me
So look at your skin, think & see
The warmth that radiates there
When you're lying pure and bare
You'd be so cold without it, you see
That warmth, that skin, that feeling, is me.
I'm not just an accessory
I'm essential, please see,
You are essential to me.

fishing.

03/15/2010

you give me hope
you keep me going
take me to the water
i'm throwing
my fishing line
and everytime
i reel enough to keep us full.
i'll feed us forever
so stay by my side
the boat may rock
but the water will stop
you'll calm it like
you can calm all in me.
so hold me tight and
crush the demons
stirring and waiting to arise
you won't let a single thing crush me.
tie me up in fishing line
throw me in and i'll be fine
i'll be your bait
i'll take what you throw to me
you reeled me in so long ago
and now i'm hooked.
bad puns aside i promise
you will lay beside i promise
and i will give you space at night
but if you whimper in your sleep,
i will pull you close to me.
throw the line in deeper dear
i can handle the heaviest pull
of anything beneath the surface
because nothing,
and i mean nothing, my love,
can pull me away.

bad

01/21/2010

it's not filthy

or lewd

or vulgar

the way i want you right now

it's pure

and alarming

and down to my core

and i want you inside me

you look so beautiful

over top of me

with your face doing things

all new that you don't control

and your mouth open in pleasure

as you enter, as your eyes

look down on me

indescribably gorgeous

as you pull me up towards you

this warmth that spreads all over me

pressed against you, one with you

this perfect mix of what we are

and what we become.

i want you

i want you so bad.