dehydrated

09/13/2009

i feel like i'm marinating in the toxins

i ingested last night

i get it, we were foul and we fought

getting used to a constant presence.

funny how before all this you would say

we were always a constant presence

always going to be.

funny how your opinions changed of me

and there's always the point where the poetry

changes and i'm crying and the rhymes are angry

and i'm sitting up earlier than i should ever be

while you sleep away a day you had no part of

and i'm staring at the sugar i'll never eat

discomfort shooting through every part of me

but i'm not going to sleep.

i realize i have a drink and i get childish

we fight and i overthink and i overreact

i'm working on it, let me work at that.

don't yell at me when i kiss you goodnight

don't make me cry when i'm ending the fight

you know as soon as i get upset

i'll be apologizing soon

so why make it so much worse

why make me feel so much worse that it echoes

reverberates in me right until the next day

where you're barely speaking to me

and i can't help but think and think

you think i control this anxiety?

the last time i controlled something

everything went wrong

so lets do it your way, so hard and so fast

so you don't have to see my face.

god forbid you see this face.

play your sport and get all bruised

and i'll lay here and think up ways

that i can be cute and loving to you

while i think like this, what's on your mind?

not me.

i just wanted to still feel special to you.

you've been working on it, i can tell.

i feel like the worst burden you've ever known.