i'm so depressing.

05/26/2009

i haven't cried for awhile.
i get so weak sometimes it's actually ridiculous.
i feel like i have a certain amount of confidence per day and if i use up too much of it, i can't apply it to anything else.
i'll get a fucking incredible role, and that's fantastic.
i'm exhausted and i just want to stay up and talk to you.
i'm so scared for when you stop trying.
i just want my favourite fucking book back.
i want to not feel left out.
or inadequate.
are you attracted to me
i wouldn't be.
i don't get why my mind twists every thing, even a nice thing, into something that gets to me in the worst possible way.
i'm going to drive you away and it's the most inevitable thing.
i'm trying to push it away for as long as i can.
i can't imagine anyone wanting to be with someone like this forever.

i'm just as capable as all those other girls who auditioned.
they have more experience i'm sure. they may seem more talented now, i know.
but i will give my fucking all.

you know what i'm talking about.