clapton is miracle music

11/18/2008

i was reading my book of rolling stone interviews. and i was reading it in the hottest possible bath as i played stars very very loudly downstairs. it felt like the stars were in my basement, it was ideal.anyways.
i was reading the eric clapton interview and at the end, when asked why so many artists turn to drugs and destructive behaviour, he said that he thought all creative people go through these tremendous mood swings, and instead of indulging and using that to create something beautiful, they just try to numb and end the feeling with drugs and alcohol. they don't want to dig deep into themselves and figure out why they're feeling the way they are, because there is always some pain involved in really interpreting that feeling. but really, all those awful feelings are just an amazing opportunity for them to create something out of themselves.
i went downstairs and put on eric clapton unplugged after that. his insight is blowing me away. i am going to go and blow some money on kings of leon and arcade fire cds, scrubs season seven and the last of my christmas presents.
when i feel something that i can recognize as not being healthy, like jealousy or fear, i'm not going to try and distract myself, or take it out on someone else. i will use it as a creative outlet. even if it hurts, because mr. clapton fucking said so. i'm not crazy, i'm creative, clapton backs me up.
i am going to go to fuckin london with ashley ward and that will only be the start of my worldly adventures.
i am going to start making more decisions for myself. for instance, i know people are going to be like "cool fucking blog anna, we really care." i don't care if you don't care. i have been far too self conscious for far too long.
i am going to feel things completely, without trying to set out boundaries as to how much i can feel because it might be safer that way or some bullshit like that. i'm very much in love, i'm not going to hold myself back because of any sort of fear. i'm in love, that's not something you should try to calm down or hold yourself back from. especially when it's someone like the one i have.
now go listen to some clapton and love every second of it.