12/05/2008
maybe i'm just hard to please
in situations such as these
maybe i ask for far too much
and i'm unsatisfied as such
if i got my wish and had you more
it wouldn't be all good in store
perhaps i would discover if we tried
there's more than one reason i'm not satisfied
you are here, but not for long
am i happier once you're gone
because while you are here with me
it's a countdown to when you leave
maybe i should just be happy
with the little effort you give to me
so why become insatiable
my heart is very breakable.
1 comment:
I would be very interested to see you not rhyming, because your poems tend to be stuck in a very consistent rhythm the whole time. This is not necessarily a bad thing all the time, but not being bound to rhyming affords you freedom, the ability to explore and expand. I always enjoy seeing rhymes used more leniently, as in your use of insatiable to breakable, but as a poet you always will still have to think about how the next line is going to match up, and that limits you in certain ways.
Therefore it's a lot harder to write a good poem, because you have to make the audience, not FORGET the poem rhymes, because that's obviously the effect, but it has to seem to flow naturally. If it seems as if you're fucking around, and the rhymes appear half-assed, not as though you're using loose rhymes, but as if this was the best you could do under the circumstances of needing one of the words, it runs the risk of seeming amateurish.
There is a lot of great rhyming poetry, but I argue that it's far harder to write well. Rhyming poetry is not impressive simply because it rhymes, because you were able to express your ideas and the words at the end of the line have the same sound, because that's pretty fucking arbitrary, right? It is a device used by poets who want their poems to flow in a certain way, because it can be elegant and beautiful. It's not the right mood to every poem, therefore (while it can be a stylistic choice that defines a body of work) I argue that it should not be seen as a necessary part of every poem. And I don't mean that in a general way (obviously), I mean that in relation to you.
You've explored it quite a bit, if I'm not mistaken on every poem in this blog. It's clear you're talented, but I have an inkling that your writing may improve if you experiment outside of this. I mean, I understand it's just a stylistic choice and fuck, this could be exactly what you want to be doing. If so, that's awesome, but perhaps take this into consideration. I know that it may actually be easier for you, because it's almost like a formula, a simple way to go about starting. But I invite you to go outside your comfort zone, experiment. I have a feeling that what you produce (while perhaps not at first, maybe it'll be a rocky start) may be richer, may allow you to tap into something you haven't explored yet, and perhaps even will be where your true poetry may lie.
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