Monday, December 1, 2008

Go Sleeveless.

04/26/2008
(Re-Edited 12/02/2008)

I see your heart breaking on your sleeve
Don't quit while these lives hang on your pen
Precision guides your voice through hallways
Your sweet torturous heroism

The image of falling posters
Dramatic irony in your smile
Her bracelets' music echoes through you
The tune escapes through your fingertips

I see your heart beating in your wrists
The blood paints itself into your cheeks
Conversations sound like voice mail
My desires lie in your iris

Deny those dream interpretations
Literal meanings are all we need
Her subconscious touch leaves fingerprints
Envy and grief mix effortlessly

Your lips leave scars wherever they go
Disguising your heartbreaking exit
They lay there happy, scarred with ink stains
Your fingertips brand my every inch

Monosyllabic, words like heart beats
Previous footprints guide you through halls
Your shirt lays discarded, beside me
There's a new heart beating on your sleeve.

1 comment:

Max said...

You can assume that if I've taken the time to nitpick, I like the pieces.

"The imagery of falling posters"

imagery is a literary device, thus it reads awkwardly.

"Literal meanings are all we need"

"Literal meaning is all we need" would be more appropriate.

"My desires lie in your iris"

Iris comes across too technical, you lose your emotion, eyes is more simple. Also, rule of thumb could be if the phrase doesn't work with the simple choice, it probably won't with any more complex variation. Aqueously is at risk, as well.