Inability

Really old poem of mine. It's a little amateur.

02/05/2007
This journal was designed for recording dreams,
But I can't record what I let escape subconsciously
No, I can't record what I can't achieve.

You see what is real, you've designed what is fake,
And the line is so blurred even you do a double take,
And no, I can't record what I can't escape.

His false promises weight down my reputation,
His preceded him but I assumed I was a special occasion,
No, I can't record what couldn't amaze him.

These are the days when I strive to be higher,
To stay warm in blankets wrapped round me from the dryer,
No, I can't record all that I desire.

My hands are cold at every time of day,
And the boys who lie to grasp these hands don't like them that way,
No, I can't record the emotion I can't convey.

The unfinished homework mourns the wasted hour,
Scribbling useless frustrations is my equivalent to a cold shower,
No, I can't record when I have no power.

Flaws make up my body and my every aspect,
Unfulfilled, unsatisfied by the prerequisites of sex,
No, I can't record what I can't respect.

Typecast in every relationship and in every role,
The heavy words exchanged about me start to take their toll,
No, I can't record what I can't control.

Matching up to all the preconceived notions,
An empty mixture of too much drama, hurt and typical emotion,
No, I can't record this lack of devotion.

The world is ending around me but I procrastinate,
My never-ending mission for myself is to intoxicate,
No, I can't record my occupation as jailbait.

The heat is gone from my blanket and I let it be,
The heat is gone from everything, evaporated from my entireity,
No, I can't record the natural disaster that I see.

I haven't lived a day without breaking a law,
I could be a tragic hero but most likely just a tragic flaw,
No, I can't record this indulgence in sarcastic awe.

Hormones in me rage like a desperate football coach,
Insatiable in every way since the very second I awoke,
No, I can't record the punchline if I'm the whole joke.

A fear of falling in love mixed with a fear of heights,
Too afraid to hold onto something because it's almost always too tight,
No, I can't record what I know wasn't right.

Reputation getting heavy with the list of names,
I wasn't aware I was playing until I lost the game,
No, I can't record because I'm too ashamed.

Hunted down in hallways like in Vietnam,
Lost all hope of liking or even knowing who I am,
No, I can't record it if I don't give a damn.

Overcome with an ambition to finally break free,
Of all the hell I made for myself and all I don't want to be,
No, I can't record what I refuse to accept as me.